Thursday, May 14, 2009

Proper Public Bathroom Usage

After I'm done taking a wiz in a public bathroom, I do not immediately flush the toilet, because that would cause all kinds of urine molecules to burst from the urinal and fill the bathroom with an invisible piss cloud. Instead, I pull out the paper hand-drying towel from the dispenser, but I don't tear it off. I just leave it hanging there while I wash my hands with soap and scorching hot water, working quickly so that no one else flushes a toilet before I'm done. I leave the water running, and with my clean hands rip off the towel from the dispenser. I dry my hands, then use the towel to turn off the hot water in the sink, never allowing my skin to actually contact a bathroom surface. Then I use the towel again to flush the toilet, and quickly run to the door with the piss cloud expanding behind me, much like an explosion in an action movie. I use the towel a final time to open the bathroom door, and then, while holding the door ajar with my foot, throw the towel into the nearest trashcan and slip outside. Sometimes I hold my breath during this process.

2 comments:

BogleBone said...

Why not just not flush...

Tom said...

That would be inconsiderate.